I've been thinking about how to incorporate the George Saunders’s graduation speech given to Syracuse University’s class of 2013 into my blog. The way to do it literally fell into my lap two nights ago.
It was one of those days at work where we deemed after work drinks necessary around lunchtime. Fast forward to the end of the day and we (my friend/co-worker and I) are walking to her car and we found a “lucky” dollar in the parking lot, funny thing is we deemed it lucky before anything lucky had happened.
So we went out to a Mexican bar/grill in the Destiny Mall here in Syracuse. This place is so fancy that the traditional ways to identify a Mexican place such as Cholula Hot sauce are not present. I only know that it is Mexican because of the name and the fact that they sell margaritas, which was to be my drink of choice that evening. We arrive to a very crowded bar but rather easily obtain seats on one of the corners. I had forgotten my ID in the car because I had come straight from work, and as I left the car I pulled out my credit card and some cash from my work bag omitting the fact that the USA cares if I’m over 21. So as I sit down, eager to start the night of with a strawberry margarita, and I quickly get rejected because I don’t have ID. Luckily it’s in the car and as I feel myself getting annoyed because I have to go get it. I stop myself, I remember this is a first world problem so I get a grip, steal Caityln’s keys, and trudge to the car to get my ID.
Finally, drinks and food ordered I can relax into the Modus Operandi of two women out with drinks in hand. That is to say we aren’t discussing the crisis in South Sudan.
Nonetheless, food arrives and these are the most peculiar but awesome nachos I’ve ever seen. They aren’t regular nachos, this was not a pile of chips and toppings. They were fancy, there are probably 6 or 8 pieces of them on the plate. They are on a rectangular pita type chip with the toppings equally distributed over each piece so that each piece is perfectly ready to go and topped with a strip of beef, not that ground beef nonsense. It became official, i'm now a nacho snob.
There are two ladies who sit down at the junction of the corner with us shortly after some other guys left, and previously I was only vaguely aware of their presence. When the food is presented we all start cooing about how good it looks, even those ladies next to us. I offer the woman closest to me a piece and she refuses. Then I insist, saying "please take one" and she took one. I also offered one to her friend (who is actually her mom) who kindly declined. Then my friend and I start sharing food and talking. Not sure how much time went by but I guess a few minutes later I turn back to the lady next to me whose purse had caught my eye and complimented her on her purse. I said that I really love clutches and that her purse is really nice, and I joked about the high cost of Michael Kors purses, stating that I would never be able afford one. I turn back to Caitlyn again, continue chatting, and suddenly this woman hands me the purse and says “its yours”. I’m like what? you cray! (ok, that's a falsehood, I didn't really say cray) and I try to give it back and she insists that it is mine. She exclaimed that I kindly shared my food with her without knowing her. I can't do anything but look at her reverentially.
I’m blown away, and I start thinking all kinds of thoughts about the kids in Kenya, random acts of kindness, feeling like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I start getting emotional and then I make everyone else emotional. After several bar napkins to the face (definitely not absorbent ) we joked about how I feel like I’m on Oprah and she’s given away stuff. You get a purse! You get a purse! You get a purse!
I don’t know anything about this woman, but she gave me something, because I gave her something. The gifts were far from equal but the gesture was the same. So simple. Yet, I was blown away and instantly gratified to know there is still kindness in the world. Sometimes, I have to wonder where it is. I ask her for her name and guess what, her name is Kim. So I definitely can’t forget her. Her mom's name is Sherry. Her mom said, “this is Kim, this is what she does” and that stuck with me. I’m still thinking about that statement. Caitlyn, being more astute, while I’m off in my brain just feeling overwhelmed, offers to buy them anything they want for the rest of the night. I jump in and agree that anything they want is on us. They kindly refuse, stating that they were just getting a drink while she was waiting for her daughters to finish shopping. I tell her that I have to blog about this, because of a trip I’m taking to Africa, and I want her email so that I can share this blog post with her, and i'm rambling. She gives me her email and phone number on the back of her receipt, which I put directly into the purse. We hug as we part ways, and my whole night is revolutionized with feelings that I can’t even share, only because I can’t even put them into words. Materially, she gave me a purse, intangibly she gave me faith, hope, smiles, tears, visceral warmth, a perfect casting off for Africa.
So I put the finishing touches on a glorious evening by having another margarita (FYI, I’m not driving)
So if you haven’t ready George Saunders Commencement speech…now is the time because it's all related!
Here’s the link: http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/george-saunderss-advice-to-graduates/?_r=1
In summary, the one thing that Saunders regrets in life are not the times when he was working a meaningless job or made poor decisions, but those moments when he failed to be kind. Failures of Kindess.
So Saunders theorizes on why we so often fail at being kind:
1. We think that we are central to the universe (that only our self and our own story really matters)
2. We are separate from the universe (there is us and there is everything and everyone else)
3. We are permanent (death only happens to other people)
These are the internal reasons (though we deny it) that we prioritize our needs over the needs of someone else. Innately, we want to be more kind, less selfish but we make excuses …“Because kindness, it turns out, is hard – it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include…well, everything.”
Saunders theorizes that we get more kind as we get older, and I’m not sure I agree with that. Regardless, he does implore us to speed up the process. Start being more kind now.
“Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) – but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.”
Kim is definitely shining bright and a radiating light.
Extended Version
Advisory: the bit left over to share is just as true as the above but I always like it when someone gives me the option of a good place to opt out of a long story.
Kim and Sherry leave to go get Kim's daughters and two guys sit down next to us. They soon hand over a debit card asking us if it is ours. I'm not sure where they found it, but I look at the name and it belongs to none other than the Kim we just met. I tried calling her phone and couldn't reach her so I send her and email saying I have her debit card. Caitlyn and I continue drinking for I don't know another hour, not sure. Caitlyn who is actually paying attention sees Kim, Sherry and her daughters walking by the restaurant. We run over with the debit card to give it to her. She had realized it was missing and had thought to herself to come look for it here, but she had thought there is no way that those to girls (caitlyn and I are still at the bar). But we were. So she introduces us to her beautiful daughters, we hug again, and we part ways. We leave over a 20% tip when we left the bar because hell, i'm balling now with this MK clutch.
Update
There is still roughly a week left to make your donation count for double the money. Donations will be matched up to 1000 dollars until the 20th of January. The day before I leave for Kenya!
It was one of those days at work where we deemed after work drinks necessary around lunchtime. Fast forward to the end of the day and we (my friend/co-worker and I) are walking to her car and we found a “lucky” dollar in the parking lot, funny thing is we deemed it lucky before anything lucky had happened.
So we went out to a Mexican bar/grill in the Destiny Mall here in Syracuse. This place is so fancy that the traditional ways to identify a Mexican place such as Cholula Hot sauce are not present. I only know that it is Mexican because of the name and the fact that they sell margaritas, which was to be my drink of choice that evening. We arrive to a very crowded bar but rather easily obtain seats on one of the corners. I had forgotten my ID in the car because I had come straight from work, and as I left the car I pulled out my credit card and some cash from my work bag omitting the fact that the USA cares if I’m over 21. So as I sit down, eager to start the night of with a strawberry margarita, and I quickly get rejected because I don’t have ID. Luckily it’s in the car and as I feel myself getting annoyed because I have to go get it. I stop myself, I remember this is a first world problem so I get a grip, steal Caityln’s keys, and trudge to the car to get my ID.
Finally, drinks and food ordered I can relax into the Modus Operandi of two women out with drinks in hand. That is to say we aren’t discussing the crisis in South Sudan.
Nonetheless, food arrives and these are the most peculiar but awesome nachos I’ve ever seen. They aren’t regular nachos, this was not a pile of chips and toppings. They were fancy, there are probably 6 or 8 pieces of them on the plate. They are on a rectangular pita type chip with the toppings equally distributed over each piece so that each piece is perfectly ready to go and topped with a strip of beef, not that ground beef nonsense. It became official, i'm now a nacho snob.
There are two ladies who sit down at the junction of the corner with us shortly after some other guys left, and previously I was only vaguely aware of their presence. When the food is presented we all start cooing about how good it looks, even those ladies next to us. I offer the woman closest to me a piece and she refuses. Then I insist, saying "please take one" and she took one. I also offered one to her friend (who is actually her mom) who kindly declined. Then my friend and I start sharing food and talking. Not sure how much time went by but I guess a few minutes later I turn back to the lady next to me whose purse had caught my eye and complimented her on her purse. I said that I really love clutches and that her purse is really nice, and I joked about the high cost of Michael Kors purses, stating that I would never be able afford one. I turn back to Caitlyn again, continue chatting, and suddenly this woman hands me the purse and says “its yours”. I’m like what? you cray! (ok, that's a falsehood, I didn't really say cray) and I try to give it back and she insists that it is mine. She exclaimed that I kindly shared my food with her without knowing her. I can't do anything but look at her reverentially.
I’m blown away, and I start thinking all kinds of thoughts about the kids in Kenya, random acts of kindness, feeling like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I start getting emotional and then I make everyone else emotional. After several bar napkins to the face (definitely not absorbent ) we joked about how I feel like I’m on Oprah and she’s given away stuff. You get a purse! You get a purse! You get a purse!
I don’t know anything about this woman, but she gave me something, because I gave her something. The gifts were far from equal but the gesture was the same. So simple. Yet, I was blown away and instantly gratified to know there is still kindness in the world. Sometimes, I have to wonder where it is. I ask her for her name and guess what, her name is Kim. So I definitely can’t forget her. Her mom's name is Sherry. Her mom said, “this is Kim, this is what she does” and that stuck with me. I’m still thinking about that statement. Caitlyn, being more astute, while I’m off in my brain just feeling overwhelmed, offers to buy them anything they want for the rest of the night. I jump in and agree that anything they want is on us. They kindly refuse, stating that they were just getting a drink while she was waiting for her daughters to finish shopping. I tell her that I have to blog about this, because of a trip I’m taking to Africa, and I want her email so that I can share this blog post with her, and i'm rambling. She gives me her email and phone number on the back of her receipt, which I put directly into the purse. We hug as we part ways, and my whole night is revolutionized with feelings that I can’t even share, only because I can’t even put them into words. Materially, she gave me a purse, intangibly she gave me faith, hope, smiles, tears, visceral warmth, a perfect casting off for Africa.
So I put the finishing touches on a glorious evening by having another margarita (FYI, I’m not driving)
So if you haven’t ready George Saunders Commencement speech…now is the time because it's all related!
Here’s the link: http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/george-saunderss-advice-to-graduates/?_r=1
In summary, the one thing that Saunders regrets in life are not the times when he was working a meaningless job or made poor decisions, but those moments when he failed to be kind. Failures of Kindess.
So Saunders theorizes on why we so often fail at being kind:
1. We think that we are central to the universe (that only our self and our own story really matters)
2. We are separate from the universe (there is us and there is everything and everyone else)
3. We are permanent (death only happens to other people)
These are the internal reasons (though we deny it) that we prioritize our needs over the needs of someone else. Innately, we want to be more kind, less selfish but we make excuses …“Because kindness, it turns out, is hard – it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include…well, everything.”
Saunders theorizes that we get more kind as we get older, and I’m not sure I agree with that. Regardless, he does implore us to speed up the process. Start being more kind now.
“Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) – but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.”
Kim is definitely shining bright and a radiating light.
Extended Version
Advisory: the bit left over to share is just as true as the above but I always like it when someone gives me the option of a good place to opt out of a long story.
Kim and Sherry leave to go get Kim's daughters and two guys sit down next to us. They soon hand over a debit card asking us if it is ours. I'm not sure where they found it, but I look at the name and it belongs to none other than the Kim we just met. I tried calling her phone and couldn't reach her so I send her and email saying I have her debit card. Caitlyn and I continue drinking for I don't know another hour, not sure. Caitlyn who is actually paying attention sees Kim, Sherry and her daughters walking by the restaurant. We run over with the debit card to give it to her. She had realized it was missing and had thought to herself to come look for it here, but she had thought there is no way that those to girls (caitlyn and I are still at the bar). But we were. So she introduces us to her beautiful daughters, we hug again, and we part ways. We leave over a 20% tip when we left the bar because hell, i'm balling now with this MK clutch.
Update
There is still roughly a week left to make your donation count for double the money. Donations will be matched up to 1000 dollars until the 20th of January. The day before I leave for Kenya!